| GOLF PRO QUINN SULLIVAN of Springfield Golf & Country Club, has been bringing the Pros here for over 30 years, with our Pro, Matt Kayson. Quinn is tradition. Quinn demonstrates how to hit the ball 300 yards: Notice that he uses a laser! |
| Route 52, Landgraff-Eckman West Virginia 24829 Tel/Fax: 304-862-2031 Toll-free USA: 1-800-708-2040 Daniel Clark & Elisse Jo Goldstein-Clark Gift Shop: http://store.elkhorninnwv.com |
| Copyright 2007 Elisse Jo Goldstein-Clark for The Commiserator and residents of AFRH. Nothing on this website may be reproduced without the express and written permission of Elisse Jo Goldstein Clark. Click here to contact Dan & Elisse Clark |
| Our anomalous Director has departed in haste! Was he unhappy living in a resident dormitory room on Federal property for $500 a month? Was he collecting BAH $? Was he unable to perform Directorial duties 12 hours a day, 3 1/2 days a week? Wasn't his secretary on call during the wee hours when he was being a Director? Did his Government job interfere with his civillian job? Did he run out of weekly airline tickets? If Civillian CCRCs are more plentiful and better qualified than Military Officers to be the AFRH Direcotr, as his report to Congress recommends, why did the COO have to negotiate a 'hardship contract' with a civillian "moonlighter"? |
| FLASH! MOMENTOUS REVELATION FLASH! |
| FOXY BLISTER (Wolf's sitzer) INTERVIEWS DISTINGUISHED VETERANS OF THE SOLDIER'S HOME! |
| The Commiserator A pseudo-iconoclastic publication For, By, and Of Denizens of the AFRH Publisher: Nameless Resident; Editor: Geniuses-in-residence; Reporters: Jokers at large E-MAIL: Commiserator1@verizon.net (Communicate!) |
| Vol. 2 Issue 2 May-June 2007 |
IG HOTLINE: 1-800-424-9098
| CONTENTS: Find out! |
FOXY: is the "Communicator" still censored?
HE: Some residents sacrificed around $2000 to publicize the
issue with their "Lighthouse" paper.
SHE: The COO's heart-rending article about "a handful of
residents" who pick on him is on P, 3.
FOXY: Is the COO 'in tune' with the residents?
SHE: He asked why the residents stay here- he may not know
what the word "Home" means to us.
HE: He implied that if we don't like the way he operates, we can
leave.
FOXY: What did others write?
SHE: The "Chaplain's Column" on P. 8 stated that residents
are verbally aggressive, like sexual predators who were abused
in their formative years and abuse others. And Chaplain
Goodloe did NOT write that column! Shame on whoever did!
HE: We no longer have weapons to fight for the things we
cherish- only words.
FOXY: Was there any good news?
HE: The CFO's article hinted that they are still trying to figure
out how to run this place.
SHE: AND the brand new RAC Chairman's column expressed
our concerns! So there's hope.
HE: Some residents sacrificed around $2000 to publicize the
issue with their "Lighthouse" paper.
SHE: The COO's heart-rending article about "a handful of
residents" who pick on him is on P, 3.
FOXY: Is the COO 'in tune' with the residents?
SHE: He asked why the residents stay here- he may not know
what the word "Home" means to us.
HE: He implied that if we don't like the way he operates, we can
leave.
FOXY: What did others write?
SHE: The "Chaplain's Column" on P. 8 stated that residents
are verbally aggressive, like sexual predators who were abused
in their formative years and abuse others. And Chaplain
Goodloe did NOT write that column! Shame on whoever did!
HE: We no longer have weapons to fight for the things we
cherish- only words.
FOXY: Was there any good news?
HE: The CFO's article hinted that they are still trying to figure
out how to run this place.
SHE: AND the brand new RAC Chairman's column expressed
our concerns! So there's hope.
| DoD's PRIVATIZATION |
| YOUR HORROR-SCOPE IF YOUR BIRTHDAY IS THIS MONTH: STOCK UP ON ASPIRIN |
| (1) The Alarm System will continue to whoop, holler, and flash for 3 hours every few days while you are napping... (2) The 'floater valve' will crack and your toilet will overflow after each plumbing failure. (3) The electrical system will fail again, spoiling the frozen mashed potatoes you swiped from the mess hall. (4) A 'jumper' will land on your car and cream your transmission. You'll then be required to attend the "Suicide Prevention Class". ADVICE: Repair your blood pressure monitor. |
| Ask Mommy |
| Q: If they eliminate the active duty pay deduction, will the Retirees still be the number one priority in the private nursing home? (Asked by: Retiree) A: It is likely that applicants will be admitted at the pleasure of the CEO. Q: Rules aren't enforced, so why shouldn't I wear dirty T-shirts, shorts, hats and sockless sandals in the 'mess hall'? (Asked by: Several Residents) A: Because you are nauseating. |
| Society Column Our Celebrities have donned their custom-tailored shorts to dine in "La Premiere Messe Halle". The 'mature' leg shapes and striations may influence your appetite! Bow gracefully to Lady Rachael, queen of the greasy spoon, as you pass her elegant new office. The Grand Pooh-Bas of Resident Services, Medical, and Campus Ops will now take turns as AFRH Director! Their crowns have been ordered from the plumbing contractor. WOW! Don't they sparkle! |
| Science and Health A resident has discovered how to cure an allergy to newspapers! He baked the newspapers in the microwave, and when they burned, he scorched his arm removing the debris. He then enlisted the aid of our reporter, who advised him that the microwave was salvagable. His arm is in a sling and his allergy is forgotten. Honest! |
| TO OUR NEIGHBORS REGARDING THE "PARK" DILEMNA A perspective Over many years, extensive crime has infested your neighborhood, bordering the western side of our property. The crime did not emanate from the Soldier's Home; it was bred in your neighborhood. This made it necesssary for us to erect fences to protect our vulnerable population and property. Even children may be inculcuated with anti-social tendencies: at one "Master Plan" meeting I recall that a lady informed us that if we refused to open our land as a park, her children would climb the fence. A person in your community attempted to rob our bank, and residents have been accosted outside our gate by persons in your neighborhood. We hear the gun shots and police sirens. Our security is already threatened by the "Privatization" procedures, initiated by the DoD /COO, which have introduced innumerable private sector contract personnel and varied groups of strangers into our Home. In addition, an open park is inviting to the local criminals as well as to wholesome families. We need exceptional security to maintain our safety, our heritage, traditions, and Military Culture. The Soldier's Home has always been a stable and durable element in our shared environment. Therefore, it is to the advantage of our neighbors to strongly support the efforts of our residents to sustain our integrity against the encroachment of local and non-military populations. Perhaps, in a future period of good will, when you have successfully eradicated the criminal element from your neighborhood, we can safely and joyfully share our respective properties. |
| POETRY CORNER |
| 9 Maintenance Contract Men |
| Highly Qualified Administrators |
Multi-tasked and on the go,
Ordered out of their status quo,
3 mighty chieftains take the lead
As Home Directors - to fill the need.
Rader, Rouse, and Dickerson,
share the higher echelon,
With a 9-man maintenance crew,
few of whom know what to do.
Without the force to get things done,
They don't answer the telephone.
Do not blame them, give them praise;
They're only there for 30 days.
Ordered out of their status quo,
3 mighty chieftains take the lead
As Home Directors - to fill the need.
Rader, Rouse, and Dickerson,
share the higher echelon,
With a 9-man maintenance crew,
few of whom know what to do.
Without the force to get things done,
They don't answer the telephone.
Do not blame them, give them praise;
They're only there for 30 days.
| The COMMISERATOR'S "Contractors' Paradise" Award For the most chimerical use of resident funds: |
| Is bestowed upon: the extinct Director and Resident Services, with kudos to the RAC / NAF committee |
For a charming, park-like,
oval arena of cement slabs
and platforms, holding
stilted bird-cage type
structures with protruding
pull-toys.
The gala ribbon-cutting
ceremony featured Mr. Cox
and Mr. Dickerson, who
plunged into the "Life
Trail", demonstrating how
to manipulate the handles.
At least a dozen residents
followed 'round and 'round
for a thrilling
amble-and-yank
experience.
We're informed that the
"Life Trail" will withstand
cold, wind, rain, snow, and
ice 6 months of the year.
Enhancements are
planned for the future. It is
very inviting- and could
eliminate the need for new
equipment for the "Fitness
Center",
oval arena of cement slabs
and platforms, holding
stilted bird-cage type
structures with protruding
pull-toys.
The gala ribbon-cutting
ceremony featured Mr. Cox
and Mr. Dickerson, who
plunged into the "Life
Trail", demonstrating how
to manipulate the handles.
At least a dozen residents
followed 'round and 'round
for a thrilling
amble-and-yank
experience.
We're informed that the
"Life Trail" will withstand
cold, wind, rain, snow, and
ice 6 months of the year.
Enhancements are
planned for the future. It is
very inviting- and could
eliminate the need for new
equipment for the "Fitness
Center",
Commiserator Editor,
please forward this letter:
Dear Director Rouse,
When are you going to send a therapist to fix my toilet?
I've reported the poor thing 4 times in 5 days.
The floater valve is spastic, sometimes behaving normally and other times convulsively
spewing water from both ends. Then it gets petulant and stops responding altogether.
It's affecting my ablutions.
Sincerely,
Sheridan 3312
please forward this letter:
Dear Director Rouse,
When are you going to send a therapist to fix my toilet?
I've reported the poor thing 4 times in 5 days.
The floater valve is spastic, sometimes behaving normally and other times convulsively
spewing water from both ends. Then it gets petulant and stops responding altogether.
It's affecting my ablutions.
Sincerely,
Sheridan 3312
| RESIDENT ART GALLERY |
| AL GIUNTA |
| P.J. JOHNSON |
| MIMI RIVKIN |
| BEHOLD: A FIELD OF GOLDEN DANDELIONS! The joint venture of the Administration and Nature to beautify our neglected Home grounds is progressing as noted... |
| ...and it includes the provision of a well-appointed outdoor smoking lounge for our distinguished veterans, behind the kitchen: |
| PROVERBS OF A FIRST SERGEANT By Bill Woods I often think of an old First Sgt. who has passed away. He was as tough as a two dollar steak, but was a kind man. When we did well on the rifle range he would tell the Mess Sgt.: "THE BOYS DID WELL ON THE RANGE TODAY. THROW ANOTHER BUCKET OF WATER IN THE SOUP." He gave me much advice, and I still follow it today: (1) Do not tell lies- polititicians do not like competition. (2) No woman ever shot a man while he was doing dishes. (3) In business, the best way to get something done is to give it to a good man and he will have his secretary do it. (4) The squeaking wheel does not always get the most grease; sometimes it gets replaced. (5) Try to make it to the age of 80- that way you will not have to worry about dieing young. (6) Live each day as if it were your last; one day you will be right. |
| From CORRESPONDENT John Price (Formerly the scourge of parking violators): "After joyfully reading The COMMISERATOR, I'm reminded of: (A) Why I left the Home after 5 years, and (B) Why I'll never return- except to visit." John is now a laid-back, country-club Texas gentleman. (Oh, boy!) |
| RESIDENT QUESTIONS THROUGH "THE COMMISERATOR" TO THE DoD: #1: As RKG Associates are contracted by DoD to assist in THEIR Privatization of our home, are they being paid from OUR appropriated funds? #2 If there were 4 Local Board Meetings since 2003, as reported to Congress, why weren't they announced? Who attended? Where are the minutes? And why was at least one voting member deliberately excluded? #3 Does the AFRH have qualified professionals on staff to successfully negotiate the varied contracts? |
| LETTER TO THE EDITOR: |
| Have a laugh on us! Our goal is to encourage Congress to challenge the total privatization of the AFRH into a non-profit charitable foundation (under "RKG Associates"), considering that there are financial solutions through alternative plans to save our unique, historic, Military Continuing Care Retirement Home and Military Culture. Enjoy. Mimi Rivkin, "The Commiserator" coordinator commiserator1@verizon.net |
| Thanks to the generosity and good wishes of Dan Clark and Elisse Goldstein-Clark, owners of the Elkhorn Inn & Theatre in Landgraff, West Virginia (Elisse is Webmistress), The Commiserator has a webpage: http://www.elkhorninnwv.com/TheCommiserator The Elkhorn Inn's home page is http://www.elkhorninnwv.com, and has a link to The Commiserator. There is a link on their Military page and US Coast Guard Art page, as well. Dan is a US Army Retiree, and Elisse is a veteran of the Israeli Army and an Official Artist for the USCG! Check it out! |
| The Commiserator is not affiliated or in competition with any other publication. It's a spontaneous original. Thanks for helping to publish and distribute it. |