| The Commiserator |
| Formerly "THE BOGGLER" For, By, and Of the Residents of the AFRH Publisher: Nameless Resident Editors: Geniuses in residence Reporters: Jokers at Large Contributors: All residents Note: Publisher reserves the right to edit material for length and propriety, and to refuse content that could jeopardize the "Commiserator" or her/himself. (But don't stop trying). A bit of information and fun to enhance the quality of life! Email your material for the next issue to: Commiserator1@verizon.net |
| FLASH! Discovery: A Mr. Ben Laub is the Director of New Bethany Nursing Home in Los Banos, California (a few miles from our Mr. Laub's home in San Ramon). There is Mr. Ben Laub who is the 'Hermit of Blue Mountain', and a Mr. Ben Laub who is the 'Hip Hop Guru'. Are any or all of these gentlemen related to Mr. Ben Laub, the Director of AFRH? Does he visit them from Thursday afternoon till Monday every week when he leaves the AFRH??? |
| CONTENTS: News Commentaries & Blogs Arts & Philosophy Science & Health Humor & Misery Society Column "Horror Scope" Ask Mommy Puzzle "They're knocking the doors down" Etc. |
| SPLASH DoD Report to Congress A "Report to Congress" has surfaced, reporting, among other things, on the alleged activites of the AFRH Local Board since once was held and disbanded in 2002. The RAC Chairman, from 9/04 to 9/06 (an official voting member of the Board) never received any notification of Board meetings. The report does not list any meeting dates or their advice and accomplishments. The report also advises that a civillian with Nursing Home experience is better qualified to be Retirement Home Director than an active or retired Military Officer. The report does not suggest that the civillian with Nursing Home experience might be better qualied to serve in the medical facility, while a full-time Military Officer with organizational expertise could demand the respect of the Veteran residents and employes and lead to more efficiency. |
| CLASH Betrayal of Trust A letter, signed Mr. Dominguez of the DoD, was sent to the 'next of kin' of AFRH residents, assuring them that residents were being cared for despite negative publicity, without the knowledge or permission of residents! I was surprised to receive a worried telephone call from my elderly sister, who has enough problems of her own, asking me if she should call the DoD hotline, which I had only recently heard about. She was upset and could not figure out what was happening. The PA office has been flooded with calls from family members and strangers. Why didn't our COO and Medical Director invoke the HIPAA law to prevent this disrespectful invasion of our privacy? Is this a legal issue? |
| Vol.2 Issue 1 April 2007 |
| YOUR HORROR SCOPE: |
| IF YOUR BIRTHDAY IS IN APRIL YOU MAY BE ALL WET! Sleep in a chair between April Fool's Day and Passover- and hang a bucket on the ceiling. April showers will leak through the roof onto your bed at night before inspection; you'll be relegated to diapers; and that cute Easter "bunny" who is looking for a warm place to lay her eggs will seek someone with a stronger bladder. Advice: Don't sweat; it leaks. |
| Society Column The Elite are sporting their designer hats, boutique undershirts, and sock-less flip-flops in the Premier Dining Room... The Lord of the Manor, with his designer luggage and impeccable attire, has for years resided in the various AFRH Premier lobbies. His fame has spread through other glaxies, whose emissaries seek his company and knowledge... The Suspender Baron has resumed residence in his third floor suite and graces our dining room... That enigmatic debultante, in her Hi-End bobby socks and mini-skirt, appears mysteriously, like a fairy princess, on various floors of the Sheridan/Scott Estates... At an exclusive table, there sits a tall, elegant, and mysterious gentleman, who swabs is throat and gums during his meal- perhaps to dissuade the Paparazzi? The imposing gentleman who dropped a load in the serving line deserves to have a gracious resident return it to him... WOW! Did you get their autographs? |
| NICE TO KNOW Rep. John R. Kuhl his introduced "the Mandatory Funding for Veterans Act of 2007" to change the way the Gov't. funds the VA medical care system. Some people now realize that veterans should NOT be made to flounder and to fend for themselves like independant private non-military citizens... |
| Science and Health Researchers at the AFRH have discovered, through double-blind, deaf, and dumb tests, that EBAY is highly addictive- especiallly to veterans who don't want to leave their money to their rotten kids. Suggested therapies are: 1) Introduce a crash virus into their computers 2) Convince the children to pamper the old coots 'til they've witnessed their wills 3) Sell them something |
| Residents: If you like "The Commiserator", give us your stories, art, news, observations, and ideas for the next issue. "Ask Mommy", philosophy, science- whatever. Make us laugh! |
| Q: What will happen to me if the AFRH becomes a Non-Profit Charitable Foundation" Signed: Retiree A: You'll be a "Charity Case" -------------- Q. Why can't we fill jobs at the Soldier's Home any more? Signed: Age 60 A. So you'll get old faster and fit into the mold of a nursing home. |
| PUZZLE: ?? Who said it at a "Town Hall" meeting?? In response to frequent complaints of no hot water, electrical outages, faulty flashing alarms, and elevator breakdosn, the response was: "It's an act of God"! |
| ART GALLERY |
"California Vista"
Photo by Jim Panky
Photo by Jim Panky
Prize-winning Artist-in-Residence,
Antonio Hedgepath
Antonio Hedgepath
| I DREAMED IT Our Ombudsman is recruiting a Motorcycle Gang. If you can steal a bike and have least 3 tattoos and a visible scar, you are eligible to join the "Ombutts"!!! |
| Publisher assumes no responsibility for claims of advertisers |
| BLOGS SAD Several residents campaigned to be elected as RAC Chairman, Only one could win. Campaigns were conducted fairly and the counting of votes was scrupulously supervised by staff and residents. Everyone is very pleased with the election results, and the fine representative work that Mr. Kit Kitson does as chairman... except one disgruntled loser who writes ugly, accusing letters because he didn't win. Is that how he would have behaved if elected? BURIED Fascinating IG report. Click on this link (or copy and paste into your browser): http://www.dodig.osd.mil/fo/foia/ERR/H05L95546042. TRUE 1) We did have our own ambulance. 2) We did have EMTs. 3) We did have a treatment rooms that served Independant Living, Assisted Living and Long-Term Care, and as a conduit between the AFRH and hospitals. We checked in before and after hospital stays to be evaluated, stabilized and cared for. |
| HURRY! Get a picture of yourself with a World War II Veteran before they're all gone!! Your nifty "Collector's Item" will be worth big bucks! |
| E-Mail your photo & credit card to: scam@spam |
| They're knocking the doors down... By Bill Woods |
| I've lived a long life, most of which was associated with the Military. The memories that most often come to mind are the 7 years I worked the Public Information line at the Soldier's Home. About 4 out of 5 calls seeking information or applications were reasonable, it's that fifth call that I'm writing about- because if you think that there are a few wierdoes in the home now, there are a lot more wierdoes trying to get in. I'll share some off-beat calls with you: **Numerous people called who had no DD-214s. Far too many people said they never received discharge papers. I referred them to the records center in St. Louis; they would be required to provide documents. Most of them were never heard from again. **Some people could not fill out their applications- and were referred to VA Social Workers. **One caller stated that he had no records or documents because he had been on secret missions. His incredible war stories made Audie Murphy look like a Sunday School Teacher. He had 'lost' all proof of service, as well as his decorations. He was asked "How were you paid?" He did not remember being paid! "What about your medical records?" He never saw a doctor! "What are the names of other Americans who served in your unit?" He only served with Vietnamese! "Count from 1 to 3 in Vietnamese." He said they all spoke English! So much for him. **There were applicants who wanted to bring their families with them as residents. **A few ranted and raved to be admitted. One read me a poem entitled "Ask not what your country can do for you". **Another could not provide a DD-214 because it was too much trouble to get it out of storage- we would just have to take his word. **The VA constantly referred street people to the Home. At one time I thought that every street person in Washington and Baltimore was a qualified veteran. When I informed a VA Social Worker that her client needed a discharge or proof of service I was chastised and asked "How do you expect street people to carry their discharges with them?" **A man arrived wearing a baseball cap embroidered with "Bronze Star Winner" and a miniature Silver Star on his lapel. I asked him about them and he said "The bronze star is higher than the silver star". Again, he had no proof of service. **Some did not want to be residents They just wanted to use our medical facilities. **One person with an approved application caled to say he would not come to the Home because we had no covered parking. **A man said he would never come to the Home because it is surrounded by barbed wire and looks like a concentration camp. **A few could not figure out what 35% of their income was. ** Several callers requested a roster of all residents. When told that we respect the privacy of residents, one wanted to see if he knew anyone here. Others, I suspect, had more sinister reasons. **We had a call from Union Station, and several from Andrews, requesting that the Duty Vehicle pick them up and bring them here. **A woman who wanted to have a photo of her nephew enlargedwas referred to a CVS store. **A caller wanted the telephone number of all Air Force lodgings in the entire world. **A young man who said his uncle died at the Home, wanted to know if his uncle's relatives would receive his veteran's benefits... No, they were never in the service. **Someone called at 07:10 sounding intoxicated. I asked if he had a drinking problem. He replied that he only had two beers that morning. **A man backed out because, he said, "I could never live in those old wooden barracks again". **People complained about paying to be a resident. "Are you trying to take all my money?" **A woman was afraid we would send her husband back to her. **Some relatives wanted a veteran to be a resident, but wanted to keep his monthly checks. **A man wanted his father to be a resident, but only if we would absolutely guarantee to keep him here. **Several wanted to know what type of train, plane or bus tickets we send them to come here. **A woman needed to tell me "my husband lies to me". **Another woman wanted her alimony NOW. **An elderly man from Chicago said he'd love to come here, but he has to nap during the day, and he knows that at the Soldier's Home, when the Flag goes up in the morning all residents have to make their beds, and they can't even sit on the beds until the Flag comes down at night. He heard this at the bar of his VFW Post. The bad news is that all callers who requested an application to the Home received one! |
YOU
| Southern Comfort |
